Because there were more important things. Garrett’s needs. Marissa’s wants.
Toby’s whims. Now it was my time. Edith Wembley’s time.
And I was going to make the most of it. The phone rang again. Garrett.
I firmly rejected the call. I had more important things to do today. It had been a surprisingly quiet two weeks.
I’d expected Garrett and Marissa to try to change my mind. But after my sister-in-law’s visit, there was a strange silence. They never called again.
Never came by unannounced. Only Rebecca stopped by a couple times. But she and I had tacitly agreed not to discuss the family drama.
Tuesday morning greeted me with bright sunshine. I sipped my coffee leisurely on the veranda, browsing through the catalogue of a travel company. A trip to the mountains with Laurene was scheduled for next month.
But why not plan something else? I’d only seen Europe in pictures and movies. James had always dreamed of showing me Italy. The home of his ancestors.
We’d been saving that trip for retirement. But when it came, his health no longer allowed for traveling. I flipped through pages of photos of Rome, Florence, Venice, imagining myself there with a camera, in comfortable shoes, without having to rush home to help with the grandchildren or solve Garrett’s next financial problem.
The doorbell interrupted my reverie. Laurene stood on the doorstep with a large wicker basket. Good morning, traveler.
She smiled as she entered the house. I brought croissants from the new French bakery and fresh gossip. I laughed as I let her into the house.
What better way to spend a Tuesday? We settled on the veranda. Laurene poured the coffee she’d brought in a thermos and pulled out the croissants that were still warm. So, she took a bite of the pastry.
How’s your new free life going? Unaccustomed, I admitted. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I’ve forgotten something important. And then I remember that the only person I have to take care of is myself.
Laurene nodded understandingly. That’s normal. You’ve been living someone else’s needs for too long.
Your body isn’t used to the lack of stress yet. She was quiet for a moment, then added in a more serious tone. I saw Marissa at the supermarket yesterday.
She was buying canned goods and pasta-no-delicacies that she was so used to. I raised an eyebrow. Really? What did she look like? Not as flawless as usual, Laurene shrugged.
Her hair was a little disheveled, her clothes planer. She didn’t notice me, and I didn’t say hello. I tried to imagine Marissa without her usual gloss, a difficult task.
My sister-in-law always looked like she’d just stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine. I guess they do have to tighten their belts, I said thoughtfully. And rightfully so, Laurene exclaimed with sudden passion.
Edith, I’ve watched them take advantage of you for years, especially Marissa. That woman has never appreciated your generosity or your patience. I sighed.
I know, it’s just… It’s strange to think that they might be struggling financially. Garrett’s never been good at saving money. It’s time he learned, Laurene cut him off.
At his age, he should be standing on his own two feet, not clinging to his mother’s skirt. I couldn’t help but smile at my friend’s bluntness. Laurene always said what she thought without trying to soften the blow.
I guess that’s why we’d been friends for so many years. She was a breath of fresh air in the midst of all the falseness. Speaking of new life, Laurene nodded at the catalog on the table.
What are you studying? I’m thinking about going to Italy, I slid the catalog over to her. James has always wanted to show me Rome. Laurene glowed.
That’s a great idea! When are you thinking of going? Maybe in the fall? I shrugged. I still have to plan and prepare. Why not sooner? Laurene flipped through the pages of the catalog.
June is the perfect time for Italy. It’s not too hot yet, but it’s warm enough for walking, I wondered. What was holding me back? Before, there had always been reasons to postpone, to help with the kids, to be on call in case of another Garrett crisis, to avoid spending money on myself when the family might need help.
Now those reasons were gone. You know you’re right, I smiled. Why not? I’ll call the agency today.
Laurene nodded contentedly. Now that’s the right decision. And you know what? If you want some company, I could come with you.
Italy has been on my wish list for a long time. We spent the rest of the morning discussing possible itineraries and sites we’d like to see. For the first time in a long time, I felt really excited, anticipating something new and exciting.
When Laurene left, I immediately called the travel agency and booked a consultation for the next day. Then I pulled out an old atlas James had given me years ago and began studying a map of Italy, imagining myself in those exotic places. The doorbell rang, interrupting my reverie.
I opened it and saw Toby disheveled in a crumpled shirt with dark circles under his eyes. Grandma, he shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. May I come in? I stepped aside silently, letting him pass.
Toby walked into the living room and sat on the couch, rubbing his hands together nervously. Would you like some tea? I asked. No, thanks.
He shook his head. Grandma, I… I need help. I sat down across from him, keeping a calm expression on my face.
What kind of help, Toby? He took a deep breath as if about to dive into cold water. Money, Grandma, I need money. My card’s been blocked.
The bank’s demanding payment. I can’t pay my rent, my car… His voice is shaking. I’m totally screwed, pardon the expression.
I looked at my grandson, a grown man who now looked like a lost child. Toby had always been spoiled first by Garrett and Marissa, then by me. He’d never had to really fight for anything.
How much do you owe the bank? I asked calmly. Seven thousand. He lowered his eyes.
Eeeh. Gotten a little carried away with the credit cards the last few months. What did you spend that money on, Toby? He shrugged, not looking at me.
Various things. A new cell phone, a trip to the coast with some friends, a couple of parties. I was silent, waiting for him to continue.
Toby finally looked up. Grandma, I know I haven’t been very… attentive to you. I haven’t called much.
I haven’t visited much. But I really love you. And I’m really, really asking you to help me now.
I’ll pay you back. I promise. I looked at him carefully, trying to see the sincerity behind those words.
Toby always had a way of being charming when he needed something. A trait he’d inherited from Marissa. Toby? I finally spoke.
You’re 23 years old. You’ve been working for an insurance company for almost two years now. Why haven’t you learned how to handle your finances yet? He was embarrassed.
Yeah, I don’t know. I never really thought about it. I could always ask my parents, or you.
Exactly. I nodded. There was always someone to solve your problems, but Toby, you can’t go on like this forever.
Sooner or later, everyone has to learn to stand on their own two feet. I know, Grandma. He nodded enthusiastically.
And I will learn, I promise. Just help me this last time. I’ll get an extra job, save money.
I shook my head. No, Toby, I’m not giving you any money. His face stretched in surprise.
He clearly hadn’t expected a rejection. But Grandma? What am I supposed to do? What adults do when they find themselves in a difficult situation? I answered. Look for a solution.
Talk to the bank about restructuring your debt. Find an additional source of income. Cut back on expenses.
Toby looked at me as if I were speaking a foreign language. But, uh, it’s so complicated. Life is complicated.
I shrugged. Especially when you have to take responsibility for your actions. He jumped up and I could see the range of emotions on his face.
Mistrust. Resentment. Anger.
So you’re just leaving me? After all these years of telling me you love me? I love you, Toby. I remained calm. That’s why I refuse to continue supporting your addiction to my money.
That’s not love. That’s codependency. And it’s hurting you more than it’s helping you.
Bullshit! He was almost shouting. You’re just getting back at all of us because of some fight with Dad! I looked at my angry grandson and saw in him a reflection of Marissa. The same violent reaction to rejection.
The same inability to take no for an answer. Toby, please sit down. I said quietly but firmly.
To my surprise, he obeyed, flopping back onto the couch. I’m not taking revenge on anyone. I just stopped being an ATM for my family.
Stopped buying the love and respect that should be unconditional. I paused, giving him time to consider my words. Think about this.
When was the last time you came to me just for fun? Without asking for money or help? When you took an interest in my life? In my feelings? Toby was silent, avoiding my gaze. You can’t remember, can you? I sighed. That’s the problem, Toby.
Our relationship has long since become a transaction. I give money, you pretend to care about me. It’s not a family.
It’s a business arrangement. Not true. He shook his head, but without the same confidence.
We care about you. We do? I raised an eyebrow. Name me one thing you’ve done for me unselfishly in the last year.
Toby hesitated. His forehead furrowed with tension. I could see him trying to remember anything.
A call. A visit. A gift that didn’t involve a request or an obligation.
I came to your birthday party. He finally squeezed out. Yes, you did.
An hour later than everyone else without a present and left right after the cake saying he was meeting some friends. He lowered his head. I didn’t mean to.
I didn’t think. That’s right, Toby. You weren’t thinking.
Neither of you were thinking about my feelings. I softened my tone. I’m not mad at you.
I really am. I’m just not going to participate in this unhealthy relationship anymore. We sat in silence.
Toby looked depressed, hunched over on the couch. I suddenly saw him as the little boy I’d taught to ride his bike. Stubborn, but vulnerable.