I hope Italy is beautiful. I smiled as I replied to the message and attached a shot of the Tuscan landscape. This bond with my granddaughter was precious.
The only family thread I’d kept because it was based on true affection. Not financial dependence. In the evening, back at our cozy hotel, I settled with a book on the balcony.
In the next room, Laurene was on the phone with her daughter. I could hear her laughter through the open window. I thought about how afraid of being alone my whole life.
How she clung to unhealthy relationships with her family just so she wouldn’t be alone. And how, paradoxically, it was the decision to let go of those relationships that brought me true freedom and joy. Yes, there are fewer people in my life.
But the ones who remained, Rebecca, Lauren, the other friends I reconnected with, were there for real reasons. Out of love, respect, genuine interest in each other. I remembered Marissa’s last words.
You’ll regret it when you’re all alone. But I wasn’t alone. I was with myself.
For the first time in years, truly with myself. Not dissolved in the needs of others. Laurene and I planned to visit a local winery in the morning, and then a small museum in a neighboring town.
No rigid schedules, no commitments. Just things that brought us pleasure. This is what my life has become since that decisive step six months ago.
A life where I finally allowed myself to be the main character instead of a perpetual statistic. I took a sip of the warm evening air, filled with the scents of Tuscany. James would be pleased.
He always said I deserved more than I gave myself. And though it took many years and a painful epiphany, I finally realized he was right. At 77, I had finally learned the most important thing.
To love myself as I loved others. And it was the most important discovery of my life. The phone vibrated again.
Garrett’s number this time. Before, I would have answered it immediately, ready to interrupt any activity for his call. But now I just put the phone aside.
Whatever my son had to say could wait. Now was my time. I raised my eyes to the starry Italian sky and smiled.
All the 174 receipts. All the years of sacrifices and concessions. All that was in the past.
There was only freedom ahead. Freedom to be herself, without regard for other people’s expectations and demands. And it was the most beautiful freedom I had ever experienced.